Experiential-Based Lessons of Significance and Meaning

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Knowing that we have lived a meaningful life is significant when we face death. I experienced that when my wife was facing the distinct  possibility that she was going to die after her cancer had metalized  from her breast to her liver. In her farewell message to her airline colleagues, she looked back at her life to see if it was meaningful.

Dear Fellow Flight Attendants,

I  have been told that my cancer has worsened and that short of a  miracle  I may not have long to live.  Many thoughts have come and gone since I was told that I have cancer. Trying to face  the possibility of death,  I have looked for meaning in my life and have  tried to see what my 15  years as a flight attendant mean to me.

I  started as most of us did with the idea of working and traveling  for a  few years and then getting another job.  Why do we stay?  The poet  in  me tells of being able to work where the ancient gods played and the  artist in me remembers the spectacular sunrises and sunsets that I have   seen.  I have seen the sun on cloudy days.  I have seen more stars  than  any earthbound person.  The only people who travel higher than us  are  the astronauts.  We have seen that this land has no boundaries, no  lines  to separate.  Countries, states, counties or towns can be seen  from  35,000 feet.

We  also took this job because we said we liked people.  I have found a   family in my coworkers.  I have found people to laugh with, people to   care about and people to be with.  There are the gatekeepers in cities   distant from my home who have always brightened my day when they opened   the airplane door.  I’ll always remember the special crews who made   working on holidays fun.

I have looked at the purpose that we serve in this hectic world.  We  all  need people; we need smiles, kind words and the ability to sense a   problem.  In this job we are blessed with being able to give as well as   receive.  Our thoughtfulness and caring are our strongest assets.  I  have helped when others needed it and now I am on the receiving end and  I  can attest to how terrific your love and care feels to receive.  You   have made Christmas continue through February.  Your cards and calls  and  financial help have given me strength and laughter when I’ve needed  it most.

We  live and work in a technological and increasingly sterile world  where  greed is close to becoming god, but we must remember that most of  our  passengers are just as afraid of corporate takeovers and layoffs as  we  are.  We must learn to care for and love our brothers or we could  lose  the whole human race.  We are in a unique position to use our  strengths  to help the world change.  We see most of the people who think  they  run this country every day.  We can humanize them, we can show  them how  to care for strangers and friends.  We can make this job  meaningful  every day and we can change the world.

Keep  smiling, keep caring, keep loving and enjoy your life every day.  May  peace and love find a home in your heart.  I hope that miracles do  happen and that I’ll join you back on the line soon.

Judy Ahrens–Beauregard

Judy died a significant death because she lived a meaningful life!

Significant Questions:

• Would you rather live a life of love knowing that you will die, or would you rather live forever without love?

• How do you answer the question: “Is my life making a difference?”

• Do you agree with this quote by Maria “Cory” Aquino: “I would rather die a meaningful death than to live a meaningless life?”

Recently,  I was in a business development meeting where there was a  discussion  of why business owners avoid planning for what they are going  to do  with their companies and the next third of their lives. I said  the  biggest obstacle is the fear of death. People looked at me and the   conversation was dropped. The following day, I was talking to an author   who sent me his new book to read and write a testimonial. During our   conversation he mentioned the book The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker. While I was talking with him, I went over to my bookshelf and told him I was holding the book in my hand.

Denial: “I don’t want to talk about death.”

Denial  provides the context for a life based on the fear of death. In  a  traumatic situation, repression and denial are essential for our   emotional and psychological well-being, but chronic repression and   denial consume vital life energy. The fear of death prevents many  people  from living life. It is paradoxical that the fear of  experiencing life  to its fullest is often because of people’s fear of  losing it when they  die.

Researchers  have discovered that people avoid talking about death and  dying  because it is “sad,” “depressing,” “bad luck,” or “too far in the   future.” Some say they are too busy living to focus on dying. Those who   are willing to talk about death say their loved ones resist having  this  conversation because it is depressing. Some people believe that if  they  think about death, it will make it happen sooner.

“The Death Factor” of Owners: 

Many  owners equate  leaving their companies with “dying” which causes them  to avoid thinking  about or talking about leaving their businesses. The  reasons why people  don’t want to talk about dying are the same reasons  that many owners  don’t want to plan for what they want to do with their  companies: “It is  too far in the future,” or “ I am too busy running  my business.”

Balanced Way of Thinking about Death:  

The  categorical perspective of absolute, either/or thinking views death as a   failure and as a fall into oblivion. The cyclic perspective, created  by balanced thinking, helps us view death as a natural life transition   since life and death are complementary aspects of the dynamic unfolding   of the life force over time.

Expanded Awareness: 

 A  fish died in my aquarium this  week which had me thinking about the  fact that fish and animals do not  fear death because of their  simple-consciousness. It was when our  species moved from simple  consciousness to self-consciousness that we  became afraid of death.  Paradoxically, it is awareness that creates the  anxiety and terror of  dying, and awareness which is the last aspect of  our lives to go.  The  expansion of our consciousness is in the process  of occurring because  of scientific advances. The resulting expanded  awareness can help you  realize how inherently significant your life is.

The  Upside of Death: If people didn’t die in the  past, there would be no  room for us to be alive today.  I have known  older people who have  wanted to die. They are physically worn out,  tired, all their friends  have died, and most importantly, they want to  be with a loved one who  has died.  Feeling comfortable talking about  your death will allow you  to take the necessary steps to create your  will, health directives and  all the other documents for end-of-life  care.

Awareness  of death shatters the illusionary “arrogance of the  living,” and the  false belief that we are going to live forever. I  always told my son  when I was bringing him up that we live on a terminal  planet; no one  gets out of here alive. In fact the universe, and  everything that is in  it, has X number of years to exist.

Your  Body Is a Rental:  We live because stars died.  You do not “die,” since  all the molecules in your body: oxygen, carbon,  hydrogen, nitrogen,  calcium, and phosphorus are recycled for the  emergence of new life  after you die. The same is true with the other  five trace elements in  your body: potassium, sulfur, sodium, chlorine,  and magnesium are  reused to create new life.

A Significant Life Lives Beyond Death 

Living  significantly and dying with significance transforms the  avoidance and  fear of death. Becoming aware of, and accepting, the fact  that you are  going to die transforms the fear of death. Significance  helps you  discover your life’s purpose and how it fits into the grand  scheme of  things. Viewing death not as an end event but as a reference  point  helps you do what is important and meaningful now while you have  the  gift of life.

Significance  transforms your perception of death from terror to being  a motivator  for making important contributions to your family,  community and the  world. Death provides a sense of urgency for us to do  what needs to get  done to live a life of significance. Significance  transcends the death  of your physical body and allows you to:

• Feel that part of you is eternal
• Perform acts and deeds of significance
• Leave a legacy
• Share your wisdom

Significant List

A Bucket List states in writing all the activities that you want to do before you die. A Significant List is an objective,”to-do” inventory list of all the important things you can do before you die.  A Significant List fills your life with meaning and   purpose and enables you to feel proud of your life when you die.

Significant Question:

Are you willing to get on with the joy of living by getting over the terror of dying?

While I was in a business development meeting where there was a  discussion of why business owners avoid planning for what they are going  to do  with their companies and the next third of their lives. I said  the  biggest obstacle is the fear of death. People looked at me and the   conversation was dropped. The following day, I was talking to an author   who sent me his new book to read and write a testimonial. During our   conversation he mentioned the book The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker. While I was talking with him, I went over to my bookshelf and told him I was holding the book in my hand.

Denial: “I don’t want to talk about death.”

Denial  provides the context for a life based on the fear of death. In  a  traumatic situation, repression and denial are essential for our   emotional and psychological well-being, but chronic repression and   denial consume vital life energy. The fear of death prevents many  people from living life. It is paradoxical that the fear of  experiencing life  to its fullest is often because of people’s fear of  losing it when they  die.

Researchers  have discovered that people avoid talking about death and  dying  because it is “sad,” “depressing,” “bad luck,” or “too far in the   future.” Some say they are too busy living to focus on dying. Those who   are willing to talk about death say their loved ones resist having  this  conversation because it is depressing. Some people believe that if  they  think about death, it will make it happen sooner.

“The Death Factor” Case Study: 

Many  owners equate  leaving their companies with “dying” which causes them  to avoid thinking  about or talking about leaving their businesses. The  reasons why people  don’t want to talk about dying are the same reasons  that many owners  don’t want to plan for what they want to do with their  companies: “It is  too far in the future,” or “ I am too busy running  my business.”

Balanced Way of Thinking about Death:  

The categorical perspective of absolute, either/or thinking views death as a   failure and as a fall into oblivion. The cyclic perspective, created  by balanced thinking, helps us view death as a natural life transition since life and death are complementary aspects of the dynamic unfolding of the life force over time.

Expanded Awareness: 

 A  fish died in my aquarium this  week which had me thinking about the  fact that fish and animals do not  fear death because of their  simple-consciousness. It was when our  species moved from simple  consciousness to self-consciousness that we  became afraid of death.  Paradoxically, it is awareness that creates the  anxiety and terror of  dying, and awareness which is the last aspect of  our lives to go.  The  expansion of our consciousness is in the process  of occurring because  of scientific advances. The resulting expanded  awareness can help you  realize how inherently significant your life is.

The  Upside of Death: 

If people didn’t die in the  past, there would be no  room for us to be alive today.  I have known  older people who have  wanted to die. They are physically worn out,  tired, all their friends  have died, and most importantly, they want to  be with a loved one who  has died.  Feeling comfortable talking about  your death will allow you  to take the necessary steps to create your  will, health directives and  all the other documents for end-of-life  care.

Awareness  of death shatters the illusionary “arrogance of the  living,” and the  false belief that we are going to live forever. I  always told my son  when I was bringing him up that we live on a terminal  planet; no one  gets out of here alive. In fact the universe, and  everything that is in  it, has X number of years to exist.

Your  Body Is a Rental:  

We live because stars died.  You do not “die,” since  all the molecules in your body: oxygen, carbon,  hydrogen, nitrogen,  calcium, and phosphorus are recycled for the  emergence of new life  after you die. The same is true with the other  five trace elements in  your body: potassium, sulfur, sodium, chlorine,  and magnesium are  reused to create new life.

A Significant Life Lives Beyond Death 

Living  significantly and dying with significance transforms the  avoidance and  fear of death. Becoming aware of, and accepting, the fact  that you are  going to die transforms the fear of death. Significance helps you discover your life’s purpose and how it fits into the grand scheme of  things. Viewing death not as an end event but as a reference point helps you do what is important and meaningful now while you have the  gift of life.

Significance transforms your perception of death from terror to being  a motivator for making important contributions to your family,  community and the  world. Death provides a sense of urgency for us to do  what needs to get  done to live a life of significance. Significance  transcends the death  of your physical body and allows you to:

• Feel that part of you is eternal
• Perform acts and deeds of significance
• Leave a legacy
• Share your wisdom

Wisdom-Based Question:

Are you willing to get on with the joy of living by getting over the terror of dying?